Runaway Toddler

I was at a table with a good range of grown-ups at a wedding lately. We were the parents of 3, who have survived and seen two out of the toddler years so far, and the other little one is on her way up now too. 2 and a half, and yes, up she is going. Up on to the kitchen table, the kitchen counter, the window sill, the fences, anything that’s up! Having two boys before her, you would think we’d have seen it all. Alas no, this one is going places. Places that are high up!

We haven’t had to ‘baby proof’ the house for the little girl too much as we moved to a cottage and there is no stairs, and because I eternally stand in the kitchen anyway, there was no need for the safety catches on the kitchen cupboards. She was slow to start walking and when she did start, she walked slowly. It was all very conducive to a fairly calm house. If she did wander off you could saunter on behind her maybe lap her a few times and scoop her up and distract her with a kiss, before she remembered she was actually trying to escape out of the garden.

Today, an actual conversation with my father in law has left me wide awake to the realisation that, this little one, is a right monkey. I mean, I should have taken it more seriously with her making a habit of climbing on to the kitchen table in the last few weeks, and then singing to me in her best teasing voice “Mammy, I fall… Mammy, I fall”. Boy she has me alright. She has us all. The ultimate boss is what baby girl is. NOBODY messes with her here. Besides which she is mega strong so if you can’t out wit her with reverse psychology, bribes or mind tricks you definitely won’t win a wrestling match. She has a remarkable way of thrashing around like a fish when it comes to try ‘scooping’ her up these days. I think those scooping days are over! I need to perfect a rugby tackle I think.

So we chatted about baby proofing the garden for an upcoming birthday party at our house this weekend, which will have to be outside because we certainly won’t all fit inside, so fingers crossed Irish weather… fingers crossed!

There was talk of steel and metal and laths. The rungs will be vertical so it can’t be climbed. Yes this new gate will have to be suitably armoured and sculpted to keep the little one away from the road… never mind the fact she can practically clear the fence around our house and escape to the fields! I find myself telling my father in law that we will have to staple some tight knit wire across the bottom rungs of the fence so she can’t squeeze her feet in to climb over that anymore either. Seriousy!!!! She’s 2 and almost another half???

Our ‘kitchen counter- height’ little bunny grabs her coat and bag while heading to the back door now too, says and waves ‘bye bye’ as she opens the door and tries to make a run for it!! I am only thankful that she goes to the trouble of getting her coat and bag and saying goodbye before she tries to leg it, so at least I have some warning. The back door is mostly locked now but pretty soon, she will learn how to turn the keys. Door chain next? Probably futile I suspect, as she already knows how to push the kitchen chairs around to access all areas out of her reach.

Other than setting up camp outside with a very long sheep crook, to capture any runaways, a hot flask of tea, thermals and a sleeping bag, I really don’t see how I am going to keep on top of this little one. Between the weather and this crazy cailÍn, it’s going to be a pretty long summer!