AGE: 34

 

Had I kept a diary last year, and if I were to open it on the page, or any of the pages from this time last year… I don’t actually believe I would read what I might have had to say back then, and I dare not for a second chance going back there. Even if only for a quick glance.

It is August now, and a pretty dismal start to my birthday month weather wise. But I have a lot else, aside from the weather to be thankful for, having lived my 34^th year in these long-short little lives of ours. I always explain to people I have no issue with getting older… just looking older. Vain? Yes. I’m never one for pretending.

AGE: 34

Hell of a year! As in it was ‘hell’ but also, ‘hell yeh!’, I am here, feeling fit and strong and healthy, feeling myself. A little bit of the old me, mixed with the newly found me that I have worked so tremendously hard to uncover since last year. Armed with a perfect combination of defences to keep my mental health well, including the delicious ingredients of exercise and creativity. I am feeling good, good, good.
In between the blustery August raindrops, I am feeling positive. I have very exciting plans that seem to have taken a slight holiday which incidentally began right about the same time the kids got their school hols. This was unplanned, but being that I have planned my life thus, that I will work around our children, that is how it is. As a mum, I will never find that perfect formula for ‘work-life balance’, due to an incurable guilty complex. I am consoled by my empty wallet, my scattiness, and lack of time for writing and creativity this past few weeks, that our kids are having the time of their lives this ‘non-summer like’ summer.

Just before our kids got their school hols, I took out the calendar, anticipating bad weather and long days, and filled it with activities. Summer holidays from school should be memorable. It’s what we work for, and it instils a good balance. Work hard at school and have fun on your holidays. If we can’t have ‘fun in the sun’, we are sure as hell not going to do without the ‘fun’ part too. As part of my summer plan, we were going to ‘be brave’ and try new things during the summer break, in a bid to nurture more confidence in our cubs, and I guess try and help them be  a little more brave and less fearful about the daily challenges life can throw at them, particularly as they embark on their next school year.

I realise now also, that I had a second motive for this.  I also had/ have an actual fear of possibly re-living my maternity leave days, the long endless ones, in the depths of depression and cabin fever.  It is better for me to be busy and active, as well as the kids. This fends off any possible misleading signals that I wish to invite doom and gloom back into my life. We have our down time too. When I say ‘down time’ I mean, chill time. We love to snuggle up on the couch and watch a movie together… on 1 screen I might add! Digital Detox is underway Chez Smith… it’s a work in progress however.

While my motives for our fun-packed summer may have been partly due to self-preservation, the greater motive was memory making, we have had and are having, an absolute ball.  Fears have been conquered, challenges met, achievements achieved. I am proud of our little team of family and friends that have kicked balls, swung a hurley, swam un-aided, dipped faces under water, cycled kilometres, rode horses and sang out loud. There is a lot to be said for it. If they can’t have sunshine, I hope they are carefully collecting valuable memories that they will store away so they can pepper their adulthood with nostalgia in years to come.
September is fast approaching, I will be 35 +1 month then J  Bring it on!!! I am ready, willing, and so delighted to say, able.