What the?!


Ok so… it all went completely a bit crazy there for a while. It has been a most challenging few months. I’m not sure how I have survived them to be honest, being that I teeter so close to the edge at the best of times. But the fact remains I did :) and I got through them. Progress in my eyes.

Just to give a little background, I have a renowned tendency to plunge myself into tremendous challenges. I’m not sure why I do this but there is a pattern for sure. I have done this in every aspect of my life from what I can see. Personally, emotionally, physically, academically, creatively… the list goes on. Is it a strength or a weakness? I don’t know. I do know it’s not easy though. But on the flip side, I have also tried to sit still and this has a more negative effect on me. So the conclusion was pretty blatant and obvious. Don’t take too much on and don’t have nothing to do either. Simple right? Did I listen to myself? Of course not.

And so, I applied to do a Masters of Fine Arts in Photography last summer. After a dismal interview I hadn’t really expected to get a place and spent the first month of university thinking I must have got a place by mistake. To the point, I checked with the some of the tutors in the department. Once my complex was eased I threw myself into the indulgence that is a Masters. However, being that I had also decided to set up my own business last year too, my fabulous masters was very much interrupted by numerous work projects which I had committed to.  The absolute madness of being a self employed/ stay at home mum, working entirely through the night for too many nights, to get work deadlines met and university assignments done, and still doing school runs, dinners and homework and making some time for the gym. All of this = absolute recipe for a disaster and a hugely unfulfilled chaotic October and November. No time to write or just to be. 
Well, I won’t be going back there again. I put my head down and rode that storm out, learning once again that the plate I have is quite small and shallow and really not equipped to hold such enormities.

My mission for 2016 is to find the middle ground, and I know it has to exist. Middle ground for me is a self created space to preserve yourself, so if you want it and work at it, it exists.

Admittedly, on reflection I guess I’ve been searching for my middle ground for sometime now, and believe it or not I think I have made some progress. I think I have the ingredients right at this stage, I just have to get the balance right now. Make time for family, time for work, time for me. I am in control of all of these, I have no boss apart from my hubby and kids of course ;) So it is entirely up to me to get this right. I’m going to nail this in 2016!!  





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